Irritation

How much longer will I be doing this dance? I try hard, rejected and rebuffed.
It is not a easily changed dance, I fear it a never ending square dance as we both have become too entreanched to reach out of this whirlwind.

The love isn't gone, just the passion. The rain seems to have claimed all the matches. I sit my last bits of embers, greying with spattering of orange underneath its layers.

A match saved from the storm or something more....

Hoping for Something Good

Since graduation I have been on 3 interviews. My past interview seemed to go really well, they gave me a tour, discussed salary with me, and have been contacting my references. Alas, I am waiting on a phone call. I hate waiting.... I hope I get a good phone call. I've been researching lesson plans for Language Arts/ Reading so I won't have a complete meltdown if I get the job trying to plan what to do. And of course I've watched "Freedom Writers" trying to decide if I want to do journals with my students. Not sure what all I want to do in my classroom, but I know I am going to be bothering the other teachers like crazy so I can keep some kind of consistency.

I got my Bachelor's in the mail today. I was excited, but also irritated becuase it's on really flimsy computer paper, I mean come on, couldn't they at least use a thicker weight??? Oh well, at least I have proof that I'm educated now.

We have expanded our little family to include two more cats, Tango (boy) and Ming-Ming (our little girl). They are too cute and a great fit for our family. The big boys Nemo and Shark Bait love them. It makes the house chaotic and warm all at the same time.

Quiet times

Life has been an amazing journey of sorts. For the last few weeks I have been on an amazingly positive adventure. Yes, there have been some dark moments- but such is life.

I have never been so sure about my direction in life and how I foresee my compass points. I make few huge plans in life, because I know everything can change. But I feel very thankful for what I have and how I'm growing as a person. I only hope to bring more on my journey with me.

Since starting my internship I have noticed a change in my behavior and my thinking. I thoroughly enjoy teaching, even the "problem" students aren't so bad. I keep thinking of how I can reach them.

My supervising teacher is amazing, he is a great example of how to behave in the classroom and his courtesy at all times inspires me. I am trying to be more polite in life and make sure I am doing the right thing because I want to be an example to my students. I noticed I curse less, pick up more trash, and try in general to be more conscientious. Main word- try. I am still but a fallible mortal, but I feel more useful in this life.

I love Irma now in a more mature way. I think beyond myself more often and try to find ways to help her. I want to be the hero that she's been dreaming of, because I feel as though God and fate have brought us together for a reason. We were meant to soothe each other after long days, laugh through our tears, terrors, and days together. I wish I could wipe away past ugliness in her life so that it was not hurting her still. Since I have yet to figure out a way to do this, I must pray and find direction in how to be the best support for her.

This is another dimension in my life that is growing. My desire to return to some type of faith. I am thinking of going to the progressive service on Sundays at the Estero Methodist Church to see what it's like. I don't know what I'll find but maybe it will help me on this journey. I'm listening to this song that has been inspiring me lately.

"Woke up this morning

And I just had to thank God for my life

Just read through James' book

Start to pray and ask God for a wife

It's a time of devotion

As I sit and speak to my God unseen

Why should He listen? Well I love Him and He's in love with me

Why me God? Why should You choose me?

On your team God, can You use even me?

I think a few years back

On a road that headed to nowhere

Now that You found me I can see that You were always there

So great a salvation. But to You my Jesus what am I worth?

It's quiet times like this I feel I get a glimpse of Heaven right here on earth.

Oh, hold me in your arms of love

Sometimes I swear I feel your heartbeat.

I could never ever thank You enough.

But here's my life for whatever it's worth"

So Great A Salvation by the Supertones

A Whitney Houston Kinda Day

Today has been one of those strange days that you know you'd never remember unless you wrote it down. Kinda unremarkable except for the thoughts running through my mind.
I did see an awesome sight at the waterfront today. A large storm swept in, there were these really dark storm clouds and lighting and the air got really cool. It was amazing I just wanted to jump in the churning water and swim around. Too bad. At least we did the mountain of laundry.

I'm watching Whitney Houston videos on Youtube. I don't know whether that's pathetic or not but I enjoy it. She was doing so much better before Bobby Brown, it's strange when you see the begininng of her *alleged* crack use. She looks horrible. But when she was rehabbing it, she was looking good- even with that crazy 80's hair.

Upside, I'm now employed after almost 6 months of unemployement. I'll be selling liquor and wine to people. Yay for money.

Oh What a Night

My love's party was pretty good. I'm still unsure of how we stuffed 23 people into our small apartment, but it was a good time. We made way too many jello shots and bought way too much beer. There were only a few uninvited/ unwanted guests but luckily they left after about an hour.

The real fun of the party had to be Shark Bait and Nemo. This is my Nemo, he's a cool cat. He spent most of the party laying on a blanket in the middle of the living room, being awesome. I love him too much. Shark Bait was being a crack head and running around chewing on things. So of course everyone ohhs and ahhs over him.

My parents are coming this weekend, so that ought to be fun. This will probably be the last time I see them at my house until I graduate in December. It's going to be sad when they move to Georgia. They're staying at my apartment and I think they'll like it a lot. I have been procrastinating all week so now I HAVE to finish my essay and start preparing for my Civil War Midterm. It is going to be f'ing nuts. So I must begin.

My thoughts for now until I procrastinate again.

Internetz

George Bush could be used for LOLZ. I'm bored, this class will last forever...it's not boring, I'm just cold and unaware of how to keep up. We just watched the 2004 Bush vs. Kerry debate. bah. I want to watch The Visible Vote 08 on netflix. Logo follows the 3 major canidates plus my favorite Dennis Kusinich. Trying to figure our how rude it would be to watch it during class.

No matter how bored I am, I must admit being on the internet now on the new laptop is the shit. You can't beat this. Unless I had my big sweater so I wouldn't be freezing my proverbial nuts off right now.

Check this out, I just saw this on Obama's website. Pretty nifty. I feel hopeful, like I want to make a call at 3 AM to the white house or something. *real sentiment not snark for once*

Today is my , some-day-in- near- 2 year- future, wife's birthday. I keep trying to find more ways to make her day special. This morning I out did myself with my gayness. I made her a bagel, iced coffee, and then proceded to cut up strawberries to spell out "Happy Birthday" on a plate for her. She liked it, and told me I was a big homo. True. I've never really wanted to do these little romantic things for anyone before, so yep- I'm the ghey. Love her, and must figure out more little things.